YAY! The company called me today and said they are delivering Carsyn’s gait trainer to our house tomorrow!! This is so awesome and unexpected, one they told me it wouldn’t be there till the 21st, two I was thinking I would have to drive up to Virginia to get it, and three I was thinking it was going to take at least a week to get an appointment. Guys, I am sooooo excited to get this. I am hoping and praying that he will be able to use it for Halloween. I just think it would be so adorable having him walk around in it with his Superman outfit on.

I will post pictures and videos tomorrow of him in it. I really hope he picks up on it quickly! I think he will love walking around and interacting more.

This next part is very personal, but I want to share it with you all and let you all know you are not alone. It is hard being a mom of a super hero. I saw my doctor today for a little bit of anxiety and depression I have been having since I found out Carsyn’s diagnosis. She has prescribed me some medicine. We will see how that goes. Hopefully it will help and I can get back to keeping my house clean, exercising and I will stop emotional eating. She said it will be 2-3 weeks before I will see a difference. Praying it helps.

I want to preface this by saying that this is not what I pictured for my life. I guess no one does, and you don’t plan for this. God does plan for it, he had me picked out to be Carsyn’s mom way before he was born. I am not sure why he picked me but he did. I had a lot of resentment in the beginning. I asked a lot of why questions, even though I knew I wouldn’t hear or see the answer right away. I would get upset when I saw other kids his age or younger doing things that he couldn’t do. I became very emotional about all the things I pictured Dustyn & Carsyn doing together as brothers that I didn’t think they would ever get to do together.

The other part of me was and still is scared. Sometimes these HPE (holoprosencephaly) kids just pass away in their sleep. No signs, symptoms or reasons. I pray every night that Carsyn will still be there in the morning. Even though this isn’t how I pictured my life, I could not picture my life without him. I am also concerned how that would affect Dustyn. This is another part of this whole journey that I have to trust God.

Struggles are a part of life with superheros. You struggle with the physical problems, scheduling all the appointments, dealing with insurance companies, and all the feelings that come with it. All of these struggles are worth it when I see his sweet smile. Whenever we are out in public he makes everyone smile. Carsyn is such a sweet & happy boy. I think I am finally starting to realize why God put him in my life. I am a blogger so I can share about his diagnosis online and he has also taught me to enjoy the little things and not to take anything for granted.

My friend Whitney made this for me! I love it.