First of all I wanted to say a quick thank you for your support on this blog. I am so happy that I have a place I can openly pour out my feelings about our struggles. I know this blog is pretty new and you may not have read some of the blog posts on my other blog. So today I decided to share a little bit about my feelings as a mom of a superhero.
I want to preface this by saying that this is not what I pictured for my life. I guess no one does, and you don’t plan for this. God does plan for it, he had me picked out to be Carsyn’s mom way before he was born. I am not sure why he picked me but he did. I had a lot of resentment in the beginning. I asked a lot of why questions, even though I knew I wouldn’t hear or see the answer right away. I would get upset when I saw other kids his age or younger doing things that he couldn’t do. I became very emotional about all the things I pictured Dustyn & Carsyn doing together as brothers that I didn’t think they would ever get to do together.
The other part of me was and still is scared. Sometimes these HPE (holoprosencephaly) kids just pass away in their sleep. No signs, symptoms or reasons. I pray every night that Carsyn will still be there in the morning. Even though this isn’t how I pictured my life, I could not picture my life without him. I am also concerned how that would affect Dustyn. This is another part of this whole journey that I have to trust God.
Struggles are a part of life with superheros. You struggle with the physical problems, scheduling all the appointments, dealing with insurance companies, and all the feelings that come with it. All of these struggles are worth it when I see his sweet smile. Whenever we are out in public he makes everyone smile. Carsyn is such a sweet & happy boy. I think I am finally starting to realize why God put him in my life. I am a blogger so I can share about his diagnosis online and he has also taught me to enjoy the little things and not to take anything for granted.